scenic overlook

we are sitting 
in the trunk of your car

on top of a pile of stuff

pvc pipes and old books

and thrifted sandals and

taxidermied squirrels

in large cardboard boxes

that i refuse to touch 
at a scenic overlook 

"it's kinda like a throne," 
you tell me 
you like to make me laugh 

i feel so 
light 
like we are floating 
in a river of daisy chains

 
you look off into the distance 
past the endless sky 
you are determined to find 
a hawk 
you think you can get 
the best damn picture

 
"when it happens, 
i want you to jump 
over the fence 
and run to the river," 
you say 

i don't know what you mean 
by it 

you shush me 
when i ask 
you keep on focusing 

your hands start shaking 
you stand up 
and walk away from the car 
you look out into the valley 
you open your arms real wide 
for a moment, i pretend 
you're on the cover of a postcard 

then you fall to your knees 
you close your own eyes 
you are shaking 
with the weight of the entire world 
hasn't anyone ever told you 
it's not your job to carry it all alone? 

you are too busy 
crumbling like hourglass sand 
to ask me for help 

i stumble out of the trunk 
i catch myself with my palms 
your body won't stop moving 
i can hear your heartbeat 
it sounds like the engine 
in your car 
but your face is so still 

i stand up 
i push myself over the fence 
i run halfway down the cliff 
but i miss you 
so i turn around 

you are not moving anymore 

there is a hawk 
she circles you for a minute 
before landing beside you 
she covers your face 
with her wing 
she notices me watching her and smiles