off key

i sang for my heterosexuality when i was twelve
walked like a voiceless starlet.
off-key, awkward in a dress that didn't fit
aching for the resonant promise
of every painful, voice-cracked high note.

​

oh, to embody an la girl
with dreams of record deals and runways!
i wanted to be a buzzfeed quiz, a pinterest board
perfect hairdo, perfect normative pronouns
what would it be like to embody the idolized and elusive:
Fame, and Hotness, and plastic that breaks
as soon as she hits the ground?

​

what would it be like to live?
to shine like a pop star, or pop unknown
or just pop art: mass produced and gleaming and governed
easily governed because you’re straight
walk straight climb straight to stardom
but alone, at night with my beat-up headphones
and the top forty pulsing in my ears
i found the beloved normal in lyrics
that didn’t rhyme:

is the point of singing pretending to
be on rhythm? or are we just here

to be loved?

 mk zariel (it/they) is a transmasculine lesbian anarchist. influenced by the Queers Bash Back tendency, it hosts the podcast THE CHILD AND ITS ENEMIES (about being in high school and organizing), writes for the Anarchist Review of Books, and writes the blog DEBATE ME BRO (a y2k style advice column about anarchy-101 stuff). its poetry is published (or forthcoming) in Unfuturing, Not Your Poster Child, Free Voice Revolution, What We Think About When We Think About Love, Chasing The Storm, A Rose By Any Other Name, Suburban Witchcraft, and MyrtleHaus; its photography is soon to be featured in Coin Operated Press’s queer photography zine. it also organizes trans liberationist spaces across the great lakes region, performs spoken-word and theater, does graphic design for social movements, and vibes to classic queercore. find out more about its organizing and art here: https://linktr.ee/mkzariel